Gaps! Missing parts in a child's development and children's literature.

We see gaps everywhere. We see them in our language, in our actions, and in our environments. Gaps that are unseen, unheard, and untouchable are still very much a part of a child's experience and play a huge role in shaping their growth and development. As a veteran certified child life specialist and a new author, my "WHY?" is still the same. In circles of family, friends, professionals, and the community, there is one question that inevitably comes up. Most recently, it is a version of, "What inspired you to write a children's book?" This question seems so easy to answer in my mind and yet, it is so very complex and layered. If I had to sum it up in a few words, it would go something like this:

To fill the gaps so children and families feel supported and equipped to manage fear and pain.

It goes back to my vision statement of Coping Connection and this is my WHY in the most simplest form. As a school age child, I noticed gap, after gap, after gap. These gaps were heard in the words that were not spoken, seen in the actions that I thought would happen but never did, observed in the environment that seemed to be missing something very obvious, and felt in the emotions that were not expressed. These gaps were in every day life. These gaps were in my own medical journey and heard in the voices of people sharing about their medical journeys. It's important to note, I've never broken a bone, my milestone stitches came at the age of 50!, I never needed surgery, and I've never been diagnosed with a serious illness. Keeping this in mind, I believe these "gaps" present differently for each of us. These gaps were heard in the answers to the questions I asked as a kid. Questions like, "Did they [a child] go to the funeral?" or "Did they let your sister [her donor] visit you in the hospital?", "They didn't even tell you?", and "Why couldn't your mom stay?" These gaps were seen in the words and pictures of children's books and they began to shout and turn neon colors as I would find them as a child life specialist. Gaps everywhere!

As a child life specialist, I looked for traditional children's books that my patients could relate to and that siblings and other children could gain a glimpse of what my patient was experiencing. I looked for books that gave the truth in a way that was empowering for children. I couldn't find books that had a toddler character with a prosthetic eye, a child character with an amputated limb, a cleft palette, an ostomy bag, or a character with down's syndrome. As a child life specialist, I made my own books to help children prepare for medical events, I helped parents and professionals use words they thought children weren't ready to hear, I filled walls and spaces with tons of fun to normalize the hospital experience, and I created moments and activities where children could express their feelings and worries. Children's literature plays a huge role in a child's development and even as diversity and inclusion movements have made waves, children's literature has a long way to go!

Gotta Start Somewhere!

So, why did I start with 'ONLY I-Love-Yous!'? Again, the answer is complex, layered, and simple. While I aim to write children's books that relate more to healthcare with diversity and inclusion representations, for my first book, I wanted to highlight and honor my own children. 'ONLY I-Love-Yous!' is sprinkled with our family lived experiences and share a very true struggle with my daughter's unique sleep challenges and their triumphs. Through this book, I wanted to share a generalized coping strategy that also touched on themes of positivity, mindfulness, courage, self-discovery, confidence, and autonomy.

Through the lense of sleep struggles, parents can expand on this story and relate the ideas in this book to other life challenges like healthcare, grief, identity, divorce, death and more. This story and the suggested activities on the last page, can be used as a trampoline or a tool in your shed as you fill in those gaps and help children develop lifelong coping skills.

Author Glitches and Challenges!

This book presented a major challenge for me because I wanted to include a character that represented a child with a chronic illness. As I wrote the manuscript, it focused on a main character who was diagnosed with diabetes, including the daily events, struggles, and emotions all within a context of sleep challenges. As I tested the manuscript with others, it became very clear that I needed to focus on one context: sleep challenges or diabetes. I chose sleep challenges because this was more true to our family experience but I could not let the "representation" go. In this book, Pete, the main character's best friend, is living with diabetes. The reader wouldn't necessarily notice this. It is not mentioned anywhere in the text and only two illustrations show Pete's glucose monitor. This was intentional as I worked within the constraints of a limited word count, the need to create a clear story arc, and considering the developmental understanding of a younger audience. I wanted to create a book that a child with diabetes could say, "hey, that looks like my glucose monitor" and at the same time, a child without diabetes could overlook it. It was a tricky thing fighting the urge to delve into diabetes in this book! My daughter shared her wisdom as she stated, "Mom, that needs to be another book!"

As I step into this author journey with 'ONLY I-Love-Yous!', my debut children's book, this is just the beginning. Words are swirling in my head and scribbled on paper, characters are forming and becoming colorful, and messages I want to convey are being tweaked and refined. Stories about bees and needle pain, "why do adults make things weird?", and a character removing his own prosthetic eye - these stories need to be told, heard, seen, and in the hands of children. Children's literature can impact our language and norms for how we share information, our ideas on improving spaces and experiences, our beliefs and feelings, and our relationships with those around us. The gaps are huge and my aim is still the same!